Change

It's amazing. As you get older, you begin to have these little realizations about yourself and those around you. Sometimes I am just body slammed by them and they seem more like epiphanies to me. You find yourself saying things like, "WOW! Why didn't I know that?" or "Did I always know that?" or "Boy, I wished I would have known that!"

One of these little gems that has come to me lately is all about CHANGE. Yea, I've realized I don't like it much! And I realize more and more it's because I'm a control freak! And then I find myself saying, "did I never like change? Am I really a control freak?!? Why?!? Have I always been that way?! Does everyone else know this about me and I'm the last to know?!" It's kind of embarrassing making some of these realizations. You know, like when you're at a party and you've been talking and visiting with everyone and your friend pulls you aside and lets you know you have food in your teeth. Yea-that kind of embarrassing! But it's also liberating to make some of these realizations. You realize that although it might not be a positive thing you've discovered about yourself-you're also learning that's what makes you tick, makes you who you are. And you might never totally change, but knowing things about yourself always you to modify the way you behave in the future.

My AYTR class is all about change this month. And I've been putting off thinking about it because it is a very timely challenge for me right now. I'm going through alot of change at my job and I'm not exactly embracing it even though in the long run it will be for the best (mine as well as the entire team). I just don't do well with change-especially alot at once. Yea, you got that picture before I'm sure. But part of the class is to challenge ourselves to embrace change and realize as HKS says, "without change there would be no butterflies". And really, can you do anything about change? Someone once said it's the only constant in life.

My grandmother loved quotes and sayings and as a little girl I would try to memorize the sayings she had around her house on towels, plaques, etc. One saying she had was, "Let Go and Let God". I think that goes hand in hand with the Serenity Prayer she also loved-"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and courage to change the things I can." (You can maybe guess where I get my control freak and hand wringing tendencies!) Anyway, I'm working on embracing change and it is a BIG challenge. Can't wait for the next big epiphany waiting right around the corner for me. Until then I will continue to try and emerge from my cocoon in baby steps in hopes of becoming a beautiful butterfly. Wish me luck!